Ambitious little fucker

Never thought that someone like me would be interested in pursuing a higher degree.
I always thought that I'll just get a job after uni and be done with studies.
Well I also thought that I would finally those popular girl.
Guess too much American High School movie has instilled some unrealistic thoughts in me.
So here I am, on the path to pursuing a PhD.
I was quite ambitious when I got in to uni.
Didn't know what sparked me or what motivated me to do it but well here I am.
Procrastinating yet another assignment which I am suppose to work on.
I don't know if it is just me, or this journey to PhD is giving me a hard time.
but I feel like I'm having mental and emotional breakdowns more frequently now a days.
Although I am interested in doing a PhD but I also want an easy life.
I thought I could just sail through Uni because I'm studying what I like.
but as it turns out, it is not because of the subjects that's why I don't like studying.
actually, I do like studying but for fun. If there were no exams and the lecturers were good and I can choose my own class timing, I bet I'd enjoy uni or studying even more.
After spending what seems like an eternity in uni (which was about 5 years and counting)
I feel bitter when I see freshman coming to visit the Uni.
I automatically smirk at how the freshmen are beaming with curiosity, nervousness and the eagerness to start uni life.
Look at their faces and attitude, what naive and innocent little shitheads.
just wait till you are at the 3rd week of uni. then all that changes.
You'll start to see the true colors of the lecturer and your friends.
you'll realise that you actually have no friends
you'll also realise what a bunch of fucktards you will end up with for group projects.
I kid you not, you will suddenly feel that there are so many idiots in the world
you might even feel how the fuck did these idiots manage to enter the same uni as you did.
well I am not a very studious kid but I did work hard to try to get into this uni.
So naturally I start to wonder how all this lazy and stupid mofos are able to be in this class with me?
but either way. the point of this post is to rant about how uni life will literally suck the life out of you.
during semester you will have experienced all mental disorders from being depressed to having panic attack to psychotic episode and the most common of all -- the experience of virtual drowning.
It's like you have to abandon ship because the ship is either on fire or sinking and there are no life boats available (because some other fuckers took it) so you are thinking to yourself well I know how to swim so I'm gonna jump. And you jump so you ended up in the water and now you are just trying to keep calm while doing anything you can to keep you afloat and conserve some energy because you don't know how long you are gonna be stuck in the water. Few days have past and you are tired, hungry and sleepy. So that's how you are gonna feel for the rest of your uni life.
Not saying that everyone will go experience this but if you fortunate enough to have avoided all this or you are one of those freaks who like torturing yourself then all the best for your uni life. 

Now I see it

Finally now I see why I don't like you,
Either you are trying too hard or you are just so interested.
I'm sorry your dude is so boring that you gotta learn or mimick what he does.
I get it! I get it! It's funny... But not when you are doing it.
It's annoying and what are you trying to prove?
By doing it, it makes you seem stupid and lame.
I know you did it on purpose or atleast intentionally.
Thinking that it would make you seem to click.
Yes and I don't blame him to think that you guys are connected.
Cause it feels good when someone appreciates your sense of humour.
But fuck you, you are trying too hard till the point where you sound lame.
It took me long enough to identify why I don't like you,
Cause usually I'll just not give a fuck
But for you I'm interested to know why I don't like you.

life is just weird (part 2)

This guy caught Mischa's eye because he was polite, just because of that small action, which he didn't went between Mischa and her friend during conversation instead he took a step back and went around Mischa. By the time Mischa finished her conversation with her friend, Mischa's front row sit was taken by some nerd who was always sitting behind Mischa and was always blaming his friend for not coming early and save a sit for him in the front row. Mischa was annoyed and was looking for another sit in the second or third row which she doesn't mind. But everyone was here on time today, all the good sits are filled. Back in the last row there was an aisle sit next to a few guys. Mischa wasn't too thrilled to find a clique in college because she knows all the drama that is going to happen if you have too much people in a group and especially all of them are girls and professional drama queen. So, Mischa didn't mind sitting next to the guys, she went up and asked if the seat was taken or not. Fortunately, the guy sitting beside said it was not, Mischa settled in her sit taking out her notebook and pen. The nerd infront turned around and shouted to Mischa "Why are you not sitting in front today?" with a little smirk to show that he has won the first row sit. Mischa just replied without any intention of flirting saying that the good looking guys are seated behind that's why she was siting behind today. 

The guy beside Mischa started introducing himself and his neighbour to Mischa, turns out that Will is also the only child, he can relate to Mischa in many ways and they have many common things. Through the whole class, Mischa was trying very hard to concentrate in class, because Will and his friend, Harry was goofing around. Half way through class, Will's friend came in pointing to my seat and questioning Will with his eyes saying "who's this bitch and why's she in my seat?" Will just shrugged and pointed to another sit in the corner. Mischa soon realised that this was Alvin's seat and so she moved to the front of Will the next day. That day, Mischa and Will walked to the car park together after class. Turns out that Will is a local and has been studying around that area since pre-k, so he knew every nook and cranny of that place. For the first week Mischa went home right away after class because she can, she's driving to college and now she doesn't need to wait for anyone to pick her up to go back, she can go home when ever she wants to. So that day nothing changed except for meeting someone who is so alike. Mischa went home, took a nap and went out to her usual bar as usual. Mischa loved that bar because there she felt like herself, there's no clique or groups there, just two groups, drinker or dancer, you can be both too, you are not forced to choose a side. Mischa loved it there. But today was a little bit different, while walking back to their car, Will mentioned a new movie which Mischa wanted to watch, Will even invited her. But Mischa was doubtful that Will was serious. While driving back from the bar, Mischa receives a text from an unknown number.

to be continued.... 

life is just weird

It was one evening just after work, Mischa went to a local pub. She was in Thailand for some meeting which her parents was too busy to attend. After all, Mischa is going to take over the company after her parents are gone, so she might as well start meeting some of her customers, let them get use to the new CEO. Mischa is only 19 years old, she's part studying and legally the next line for the family owned company. Well, she's just 19, this is the year where all the girls' hormones are raging, in search of someone who she thinks might be her significant other. Mischa didn't knew what her parents had planned for her when she was in high school, all she ever felt was miserable, she didn't fit in to any of her friends. Mischa dropped out of high school after receiving an offer in the 'rich man college', she felt relieved to be changing a new environment. Mischa missed her friends, but she knew that if she left before graduating with her clique, they would soon forget about her. Mischa didn't have high hopes about her friends remembering her, it didn't matter as well. Mischa was just happy that her parents got her out of that god forsaken high school, now she's going to the city, where people don't sleep at night. 

The first week everyone was busy searching for their group of friends, Mischa didn't mind that she didn't fit into any of those groups. As usual, there were a few groups, The Party Goers, The Skipping Class bunch, The Late for Class bunch, The Nerds, The Weirdos, The Popular Kids. Mishca realize from young that she didn't fit into any of those groups. She didn't mind anyway, Mischa has always been a shape-shifter, changing attitude and character to get close to which ever group gives her benefit. You could say that she is selfish, but this is the only was she could protect herself, from not being hurt again. Nobody here knew that she was the daughter of the third richest man in the world, the man who owns a hotel group in every country, the man who can control nearly all of the telecommunication and media in Asia. Mischa's dad chose this college in Malaysia because it was promoted to be the education hub of Asia and he didn't want her princess to attract too much attention from the media. 

The second week as a college student, lunch time, Mischa didn't join anyone for lunch, she went to the library. The library is the best place to avoid small talk and awkward silence between friends. Mischa took a nap to get ready for the next class, Math. Mischa hated maths, but she knows that if she fails math she will not graduated. Mischa never depend on her parents' fortune to get her through anything she wants, but she didn't know that her parents are filthy rich. They live in a small housing area, where everyone was working class, her parents didn't have chauffeur to send her to school, they didn't have Lamborghini and Ferrari lining up in her dining room. 2:45pm, it's Math. Mishca walked into the classroom after fleeing from the shame of just entering the wrong classroom, she bumped into a friend she made during orientation. Mischa was talking to her friend across the door, Mischa knew she was blocking the door but she didn't care, because there were no other places to chat, and besides everyone will just was between them and Mischa just carried on their dialogues. But there was one person in particular that caught Mischa's attention, although he was just a little dot in the corner of Mischa's vision but it made a big impact. He wanted to walk through them, but he realised they were talking and went around Mishca to get to his sit. This is some manners that Mischa rarely see in this college, because everyone thought that they are rich and they could do anything they like, they usually lack of manners too. 

to be continued....

OH GOD!!!!! stefon!!!

OH GOSH!!!!!!!

i can't believe it!!!!!!

hahaha...

i'm watching a movie while writing this post...

guess what movie?

i don't know if you've watched SNL before?

but if you don't, you SHOULD!

if you are, GOOD!

i'm watching the weekend update segment.

the part where Stefon becomes Stefon Meyers.

hahaha..... 

i love it!

i think they'd make a perfect couple.

well, good for them....

but so sad that SETH is leaving.

but on the bright side,

now fans of SETH MEYERS can watch him every night

on LATE NIGHT with SETH MEYERS.

premiering on feb 24, mon, 12.35/11.35c

i think.....

i'm helping the show to make promotions...

aren't i gonna get something...

lol.....

anyway,

GO WATCH SNL and the 

PREMIER of

LATE NIGHT with SETH MEYERS!!

A Stinky little place called here.

It's already sad that I'm stuck with these bunch of suckers again...I really hope that it could leave this hell hole...I really can't stand it anymore.... I can't stand another year I this same place, same shit, same losers and the same nonsense.....
Things are getting worse, people are getting more pathetic, friends turning into hideous black hearted monsters, teachers changing into a nag machine, surrounding gets gray and dull...
Everything around me is turning into gray and not as colorful as I first came in....
The longer you stay in a place, the uglier it'll be.....
You'll see the darker side behind the bright and cheery impression they first gave you when you first enter the school....
You'll see the bloody behind the scenes of teachers who act so sweet in front of their colleagues.....
You'll get into a tornado of pathetic and untruthful friends....
You'll turn yourself into a piece of shit....
The ugly truth about every place,
If you r not on the top of the food chain, 
You'll die.
You stay afloat or you'll sink to the bottom of bull shit.
A truly sad place. So cruel.
You either be a grass and let everybody walk over you,
Or you be the ghost who scare the shit out of the people who tries to walk over you.
I chose to be the ghost, 
No friends, no shit, no heart broken, no back stabbed, no need to give a fuck and not a damn given.

please don't go

please don't go

don't let me go

you may not know,

but you paint like Van Gogh,

make the best sloppy joe

and crazy like John Doe.

that's why you catch my soul. 

but that's who you are

not some big film star

driving some expensive sports car,

flirting with bitches at some beach bar.

nor a rock star,

flinging your shiny guitar

and rocking at Santa Barbara.

since you sign that contract,

you've been overreacting

about every small thing.

you wear bling bling

and started hating chicken wing.

but you started drinking.

you begin to be very annoying

and forgot about our wedding ring.

maybe this might not work out

not even with doggy eye and a cute pout.

if it makes you proud,

you should just go with your 'friends' and hangout.

i'll be at the gym working out

till i get the correct amount of fat.