LITTLE MIDDLE FREAK

U NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'RE GONNA DIE,
MAYBE TOMOROW, MAYBE TONIGHT, MAYBE FEW YEARS....
I'M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH~
-RESULT NOT THE WORST BUT NOT THE BEST~
-HEIGHT, NOT THE SHORTEST IN CLASS YET NOT THE TALLEST...
-FIGURE,
WE ARE LIVING IN THE 21ST CENTURY WHERE THIN SLIM PEOPLE ARE CONSIDERED AS PRETTY AND BEAUTIFUL.. AND I'M NOT THE PRETIEST....
IF WE WERE TO GO BACK IN TIME..
WERE FAT PLUM PEOPLE WERE BEAUTIFUL AND ATTRACTIVE.....I'M NOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL....
-LOOKS~
I HAVE A BOY CUT HAIR....SO FROM THE BACK I LOOK LIKE A BOY...
FROM THE SIDE, YOU WILL SEE MY BOOBS.... SO I DON'T LOOK FULLY LIKE A BOY....
-ACADEMIC~
I HATE SWEATY SPORTS... YET MY SCHOOLWORK IS NOT THE BEST...
-BRAIN POWER~
I'M NOT VERY SMART JUST SMART ENOUGH TO BE SARCASTIC....
AND THERE IS NOTHING ELSE I'M GOOD AT~
I THINK THAT I'M GOOD AT MUSICAL INSTRUMENT...
BUT I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S TRUE.....
SO....
YESTERDAY...
I FOUND A LUMP ON MY HAND...
AND APPARENTLY SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT COULD BE SHINGLES...
MY MAMMA ONCE TOLD ME THAT SHINGLES COULD CAUSE DEATH...
AND THAT SCARED THE LIGHT OUT OF ME....
BUT AFTER SITTING IN THE BATHROOM AND THINKING TROUGH...
MAYBE I HAVE NOTHING TO LOOSE EVEN IF I DIE....
YES~ 
MY PARENTS WILL BE SAD.... BUT AFTER FEW YEARS THEY WILL GET ANOTHER CHILD~ IF THAT CHILD IS EVEN BETTER THAN ME~ THEY WILL FORGET ME TOTALLY...
SOMEONE WHO HAS THE SAME BLOOD WILL FORGET YOU...
AS THEY SAY... OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND...
THEN NOT LONG AFTER...
MY FRIENDS WON'T BE ABLE TO REMEMBER ME AT ALL... THEY'LL GRADUATE AND FIND A JOB THEN MEET LIFE PARTNERS AND GET MARRIED WITHOUT ME IN THE GRADUATION PHOTO.....
I'LL BE IN HELL LOOKING TROUGH THE GROUND AND SEEING THEIR HAPPY LOOKS AND SUCCESSFUL LIFE AND ME LYING IN THE COFFIN I DESIGN MYSELF....
I EVEN PROMISED THAT I WOULD BY MOM A FERRARI WATCH OR THOUSANDS OF WHATEVER WATCHES SHE LIKES, AND MY DAD A BILLION OF CARS HE LIKES.... HE WANTED TO CHANGE A HIGHER CAR... I SAID I'LL BUY YOU A MONSTER TRUCK, THOUSANDS OF IT OR IF IT'S NOT HIGH ENOUGH... I'LL BUY YOU A HELICOPTER.....
BUT I THINK THAT WON'T COME TRUE AFTER ALL....