A Stinky little place called here.

It's already sad that I'm stuck with these bunch of suckers again...I really hope that it could leave this hell hole...I really can't stand it anymore.... I can't stand another year I this same place, same shit, same losers and the same nonsense.....
Things are getting worse, people are getting more pathetic, friends turning into hideous black hearted monsters, teachers changing into a nag machine, surrounding gets gray and dull...
Everything around me is turning into gray and not as colorful as I first came in....
The longer you stay in a place, the uglier it'll be.....
You'll see the darker side behind the bright and cheery impression they first gave you when you first enter the school....
You'll see the bloody behind the scenes of teachers who act so sweet in front of their colleagues.....
You'll get into a tornado of pathetic and untruthful friends....
You'll turn yourself into a piece of shit....
The ugly truth about every place,
If you r not on the top of the food chain, 
You'll die.
You stay afloat or you'll sink to the bottom of bull shit.
A truly sad place. So cruel.
You either be a grass and let everybody walk over you,
Or you be the ghost who scare the shit out of the people who tries to walk over you.
I chose to be the ghost, 
No friends, no shit, no heart broken, no back stabbed, no need to give a fuck and not a damn given.

please don't go

please don't go

don't let me go

you may not know,

but you paint like Van Gogh,

make the best sloppy joe

and crazy like John Doe.

that's why you catch my soul. 

but that's who you are

not some big film star

driving some expensive sports car,

flirting with bitches at some beach bar.

nor a rock star,

flinging your shiny guitar

and rocking at Santa Barbara.

since you sign that contract,

you've been overreacting

about every small thing.

you wear bling bling

and started hating chicken wing.

but you started drinking.

you begin to be very annoying

and forgot about our wedding ring.

maybe this might not work out

not even with doggy eye and a cute pout.

if it makes you proud,

you should just go with your 'friends' and hangout.

i'll be at the gym working out

till i get the correct amount of fat.

all because of me

well,
we have four close friends.....
but maybe that's what i think..... 
we use to call ourselves the J power of 4 group....
or maybe it's just me...
i used to think that we were a special group...
and we were a group of 4...
not until yesterday...
there was a girl who used to be in our group....
but we kinda had a big fight and broken into 2 groups..
us and them 3...
well the think is that,
Big J went to thailand and brought back some gifts....
She gave the girl a customized key chain...
and us 3J have to wait for about 3 days to get our present.
and guess what we got for our present...
key chains with only 2 patterns to choose...
and one pattern has the letter D on it.....
then after we chose our 'present'..
she passed the bag to the kids behind...
and let them pick.....

i was thinking,
so i am like them...
i am nothing different than those usual kids who you don't talk to....
i'm a nothing...
well...
i went to a few countries and I specially picked gifts for us....
and you just bought a bag of key chains from the road side and give us?
well then...
i get it...
i'm nothing to you....

i will not take it personally...
but i will know how you truly feel towards me....

Geez...Gimme a break

i need a place where i can just scream all i want!!!!
there's just too much inside me...

i'm feeling the pain that few would understand..
but if you do, help me.
i don't think i could hold it anymore....
i've read through a site about signs people show when they are bout to commit suicide....
and i hit most of them......
i'm starting to give away my precious earthly possession...
my ring, my presents, and my very expensive pen....
and i'm starting to say that if i'm gone my friends would not miss me...
and i'm going to meet my parents and my dead relatives.
my boyfriend has also left me.....
so i think it would be better if i'm gone......

Blah blah blah

Everyone has their own fucking problem....
Why do you come and bother me with your problem?
And when I go to you, you said I'm fucking annoying.

It's like you can have a problem,
But when I have it, it's like I'm the troublemaker!
I can be a real troublemaker, I don't think you wanna see that part.

Just walk and see....
I assure you, that's not the last of me....

fishing

i realized that a lot of people like fishing now a days.
i meant fishing for attention.
sometimes i love attention, well most of the time.
i hate it when people steal my lime light..
but sadly, i'm not always in the lime light.
i really love attention,
but you gotta get use to it if people don't care about you much.
i'm not those kind who get hundreds of likes on facebook or thousands of followers on twitter and instagram.
but hey, you get thousands of friends of facebook,
but in real life you can't get a real friend.

that is sad.
that is very very sad..

well ofcourse i want thousands of likes,
but if i can't get it it's alright too.
i don't need thousands of likes or friends.
i know my existence and i'm happy with it.

anyway,
i'm going out now,
will continue updating when i have the mood.
in a bad mood or a really good mood.
bye, enjoy fishing!

you

我以为我已经放下了，
可是那天我看到另一个女孩用那种很迷的眼神看着你的时候，
我很想走过去把他的眼睛挖掉。

今天生活营里，我坐在一个很像你的人面前不小心把他叫成你。
他对我好象那年你对我一样。
我们有一个烹饪比赛，然后他看到我在起火，
他就拿了一包的纸巾来帮我抹手。
然后就接过来帮我继续起火，还叫我到旁边休息。
那种又担心又凶又半开玩笑的语气和那种温柔的眼神。
真的让我想起你。

我还记得你那时候教我玩什么神奇宝宝游戏卡的时候，
你教了我很多次然后我却假装听不明白
为的就是我们相处的时间更久。
然后更你朋友玩的时候，我知道你很担心我输掉你的卡可是你还是让我下场。
我看到你在镜子里的表情，很可爱。那种很怕又很想笑的表情。
你很怕我输了你的身家，又怕部各我下场伤了我的心，又怕你朋友笑你。
你一直跟我说输了没关系，就当作学习。
可是当我赢的时候，你的脸吓倒的表情也很cute。
我把你朋友所有王牌都赢回来，你那副表情真的是无价。

昨天晚上，我心情很差地坐在休息室等流星雨时，
他在我旁边出现，
虽然没有看到流星雨只看到下大雨
可是那段时间我真的很开心
他那副傻傻的样子，好像还没睡醒一样。
完全和你刚醒来的样子一模一样。
他变了一个很无聊却让我很开心的魔术来逗我笑。

当整个世界都好象没了希望时，
他的出现好象流星雨般，百年难得一见，见了忘不了。
当我不能再撑下去的时候，
他会好象一堆的枕头垫在我下面不让我撑得太辛苦。
除了你和我爸没人对我如此的好。

you start my day and end my day with a smile on my expressionless face,
and you are the first thing i think of everyday.